4 Reasons why I don't talk about suicidal thoughts

[TW Suicidal thoughts] I'm someone who loves their life, and yet sometimes I have suicidal thoughts. That's hard for me, let alone others, to understand! I have many wonderful friends, and a few very close friends who I love. But even with my closest friends, I don't feel that I can tell them about the difficulties I go through with suicidal thoughts. This is for four main reasons: 1. I am scared they will  panic and do something without my consent, such as contacting someone or calling emergency services, even when I'm not planning to act on thoughts. I have had this said to me on a couple of occasions and I feel very threatened and to be honest, very frightened. It hasn't been helpful for

Living with daily suicidal thoughts

*This post discusses suicidal thoughts, please take care* Two weeks ago, I was having suicidal thoughts almost every night. They popped into my head on my journey home from work, in the evenings and when I was getting ready for bed. They were intrusive, upsetting and made me feel really alone. The suicidal thoughts weren't plans to put into action and I didn't actually want my life to end. But they were distressing and I felt incredibly lonely. I'm not entirely sure why I was having them at such a high frequency. [from my sketchbook] I have struggled with sucidal thoughts of varying degrees a lot for many years. I have periods where I have them, and periods when I don't have them. For two w

My fear of overwhelming people

[TW Suicidal thoughts] When I am at my lowest ebb and I have a tidal wave of suicidal feelings come over me, I feel desperately alone. What I want more than anything during these moments is for someone to talk to so I don't have to be alone with my frightening thoughts. Someone who will listen to me and who will accept me as a whole person, even if I am going through something really confusing and scary. I chatted briefly about this with someone with whom I have a very close relationship. He mentioned me that my writing and notebooks can be really useful to me when I have this overwhelming need to be listened to. The pen and page really feels like the safest place in these moments...but I ca

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Rosie Cappuccino 2020

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