Feeling like everyone around me has the power to hurt me

There are some days when everything hurts. Marsha Linehan, the psychologist who created Dialectical Behaviour Therapy, wrote that people with borderline personality disorder are 'similar to people with third degree burns over 90% of their bodies. Lacking emotional skin, they feel agony at the slightest touch or movement.' Today this was my experience. I felt as raw as an open wound. I felt brittle like I could crack into a thousand pieces. It was as though everyone around me had the power to wound me: a brief word said by a colleague, a passing glance from a stranger, a text from a friend all felt like they could pierce into me. I had to try really hard today to get distance between my thoug

My BPD at work

Back in September, I started a new job as a service coordinator in a charity with a health/equality focus. It is much easier for me to manage my BPD in this job compared to my previous job as a primary school teacher. There are a few reasons for this. First of all, in my new job the working hours are regular and shorter. I arrive at work at 9.30am, rather than 7.20am as I did when I was a teacher. Second of all, I now have a lunch break all to myself and I have moments where I can stand up, make a cup of tea and breathe. If you are a teacher, you will know the role's relentlessness and how you can barely draw breath for people to support and things to do. Critical voice In spite of my new jo

BPD & Happy Relationships

When I was first diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder, I had no confidence in my ability to have a happy relationship. If you have this diagnosis, then you will more than likely have heard the many damaging and hurtful myths such as 'people with BPD are incapable of relationships' or 'people with BPD are impossible to love'. Stigma like this, combined with the crushing emotional abuse that I went through, made me wonder whether I would ever have a happy, stable relationship. I completely lost confidence in myself; I believed that I was too problematic and too emotional to be lovable. Fast forward a few years...and I am now in a really happy, stable and loving relationship. I have b

Yoga & my BPD

[This post mentions self-harm and suicidal thoughts. I also write about trauma, including sexual trauma, so please take care] For years, every time I went to a yoga class I would cry. There was something about lying down on the yoga mat, next to other people and listening to the teacher's gentle instructions that inevitably brought me to tears. At the end of each class, with everyone lying on the floor for a relaxation posture, I would ache with an enormous sadness. As the teacher told me to 'let go', 'relax your body', 'take time to rest', a blue-whale sized swelling of grief would rise inside me. Lying there on the mat, I couldn't hold back my tears. Although I wanted to practise yoga, I o

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​© Talking About BPD

Rosie Cappuccino 2020

Please note that this site is not a substitute for professional medical/mental health advice.