I've written in a huge amount of detail about my borderline personality disorder, mental health, therapy and how my BPD affects me, but haven't really shared much about the other parts of me!
After all these years of blogging I thought it might be nice for me to share a bit about the other parts of myself and my life here. Although my BPD is a huge part of my life and my emotional sensitivity is part of me, I'm so much more than that!
I was born in a small village in North Yorkshire and although I now live in London everyone who knows me knows that Yorkshire has a very special place in my heart (I sing its praises a lot!). I visit my family there every couple of months and enjoy being back there spending time in nature.
I am the eldest of four daughters and I love my three younger sisters to the moon and back, even if we don't always see eye to eye on everything! We grew up surrounded by animals, from dogs, to rabbits, chickens, hamsters and even at one stage a horse.
My childhood was a very loving, playful, creative and lively one. It was clear from the start though that I was very sensitive because I was easily unsettled and upset by things that other children didn't bat an eyelid at.
My sensitivity was also a strength though; I loved to read, write, draw and make things because of my vivid imagination and love of storytelling. Even though I cried easily, it was also very easy for me to feel joyful, excited and full of life. I'm still very similar as an adult to the emotionally sensitive child I once was!
As a young child, I also had some sensory difficulties, such as feeling anxious when wearing tight clothing and being very sensitive to hunger and thirst. Maybe this is something you can relate to if you have BPD or emotional sensitivity?
Sometimes people ask me what caused my BPD and it is very complicated and very personal. There is no one single factor and I can't really share all the details other than say I did experience a huge amount of invalidation and grew up feeling very different to everyone around me and that was quite difficult for a young child to deal with.
Yes I have a personality disorder, but don't be fooled by the terrible name! A personality disorder apparently has this name because in psychiatry personality refers to how a person thinks feels and behaves and a personality disorder affects these three areas.
I would describe myself as friendly, caring, kind, imaginative, excitable and curious. Well, when feeling good about myself then I would use these words. When I'm distressed however, I feel as though I'm none of these things, but I know that this is the self-image instability that I experience now and again as part of my BPD.
I feel happiest when I able to express myself, whether that's through art, writing or making something. It gives me a lot of satisfaction and a sense of purpose when I can help others and this led me to a career as a primary school teacher, via a job as a learning support assistant helping children with additional needs in schools. At the moment, I don't work as a teacher as I took a break from it to do a master's degree in Medical Humanities.
After I finished the master's, I took a job in the psychosocial services of a charity with a health/equality focus. The main reason I took this job is that I was curious about whether having an office job in the third sector would benefit my mental health. The second reason is that I wanted to check that teaching was really the best career for me. I've been in this current job in the third sector for nearly a year and I'm most likely going back to teaching next year, but I will save that story for another blog post!
I have an undergraduate degree in English Literature and I did that at Cambridge University quite a few years ago now! I really do love books enough to have wanted to study them non-stop for three years (well four actually, as I took an extra year to complete my degree due to my multiple mental health crises and a rather scary emotional breakdown in my first year).
Things I love
I love books, art, illustration, scrapbooking, journaling and even though apparently I'm an adult now, I love cute things like Hello Kitty, My Little Pony, Animal Crossing and I can't seem to get enough of Disney (all of these things really relax me).
I also really like vintage and retro clothes, especially colourful ones, learning languages (I'm about to start learning Polish) and anything geeky like quizzes. I'm also a *huge* Harry Potter fan and listening to the audiobooks on repeat is a key coping tool for me.
I live in London and am soon moving in my boyfriend and our shiba inu puppy which I'm so excited about. I almost forget to mention my best friend Anisha too who is always there at my side (thank you Whats App!).
So I hope that this post helped you get to know me a little bit more if you were curious to know a bit more about me beyond my BPD!