Depression: I feel so lonely

Updated: May 11, 2019

[TW suicidal thoughts]

I've been feeling in a depressed state for around a month now, with many mental health crises during this period. It has been so destabilising and difficult and now I'm craving a feeling of safety from all of the fear.

I have experienced a lot of difficult feelings and I have been struggling to find people and situations which feel safe to express what I am going through. I mostly don't feel safe to express myself, because when I have been honest lately I have been met with unhelpful reactions.

[From my sketchbook. Drawing of a girl crying with the caption 'really sad'.]

This only serves to deepen the sense of loneliness that comes with feeling depressed.

I have a dwindling amount of people with whom I feel safe to talk about what I'm going though. This is really tricky, because having safe places to express myself is one of the things which helps me the most.

I feel very isolated with this right now. I am in a lot of pain and feel very alone. I have one or two friends with who I feel mostly safe with right now. But because I feel let down, and even betrayed, by some people in my life loneliness can't help but set in right now.

I hope something happens and this loneliness is alleviated. Isolation only drives my suicidal thoughts...

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​© Talking About BPD

Rosie Cappuccino 2020

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