[TW Suicidal thoughts]
I'm someone who loves their life, and yet sometimes I have suicidal thoughts. That's hard for me, let alone others, to understand!
I have many wonderful friends, and a few very close friends who I love. But even with my closest friends, I don't feel that I can tell them about the difficulties I go through with suicidal thoughts.
This is for four main reasons:
1. I am scared they will panic and do something without my consent, such as contacting someone or calling emergency services, even when I'm not planning to act on thoughts. I have had this said to me on a couple of occasions and I feel very threatened and to be honest, very frightened. It hasn't been helpful for me at all. A conversation would have been a million times more helpful.
2. I am scared that I will scare them away and they will no longer want to be friends with me because it's too difficult.
3. I am scared my friends will no longer look at me the same way and that they might change their opinion of me.
4. I am scared my friends will think I am not fit for my job (I am a teacher). I am a caring and capable teacher held in high regard by colleagues, children and parents.
Maybe you would like to share your experiences? I would imagine this is something which many people with BPD or bipolar might be able to relate to....