There are very, very few books about borderline personality disorder written by people with lived experience. In fact, my book Talking About BPD: A Stigma-Free Guide to Living a Calmer, Happier Life with Borderline Personality Disorder is the only book I'm aware of about BPD by a UK author with lived experience. I know of a few books by authors in the USA, such as Stronger Than BPD: The Girl's Guide to Taking Control of Intense Emotions, Drama and Chaos Using DBT by the brilliant Debbie Corso, but none at present in the UK apart from me. That makes me unique, which is an honour, but also makes me aware that there is a huge lack of books sharing lived experiences of BPD.
As I wrote in my post, on hopeful, positive role models for BPD in the Media, accurate representations matter. When a person who is silenced, marginalised or struggles to live openly sees themselves reflected in the media or in the arts with integrity it can help them start to live more authentically. It can help them feel seen and then allow them to start the process of daring to be seen by others. It can be a conversation starter too: have you seen that TV show on iPlayer about BPD? (I've never actually had a chance to say that. Still waiting. If any producers want to contact me my inbox is wide open...)
With all of this in mind, I am keen to support any authors who want to write a book about their BPD. I thought I would respond to a few FAQs that I've been asked about my experience of writing books over the last few years. If you have a question that's not addressed here, then please get in touch!
How did you make the book happen? / how did you find a publisher?
I have always wanted to write a book, but I didn't know it was going to be about BPD. My interest has always been in novels or poetry as I love literature (so much that I studied it at university). Around the time I won a Mind Media Award in 2019, I started to plan a book based on my blog. The theme was going to be how I learned to manage my BPD and see that I wasn't a monster who ruined everyone's lives like the internet, and quite a few books on the subject, told me I was.
At the time, I was very active on Twitter and lots of my tweets were viral or had really high engagement (my followers are dropping now as Twitter doesn't really interest me these days and I know lots of people are leaving as they aren't enjoying it). I tweeted that I was writing a book and it blew up a bit. I got an email from an editor called Jane at JKP Publishers which felt very lucky because I had been reading JKP's author submissions that week and thinking of submitting a book proposal.
I went to meet Jane at the JKP head office near King's Cross Station— one of the most exciting moments of my life. I still remember that feeling walking down the street before and after the meeting. I felt nervous because I wanted to impress with my ideas, but I also wanted to find out whether I felt I could trust Jane as an editor and the publisher as an organisation. I talked with Jane about the stigma associated with BPD and how I felt most books on the topic that cast people with BPD as manipulators, drama queens or incapable of having loving relationships. I spoke about book covers and how I can't bear the ones with broken mirrors, people yelling or black, white and red (signifying blood or rage).
I came away feeling like I could trust and Jane said the next thing I needed to do if I wanted to proceed was send the proposal and the first chapter. I did that within a month or so. The proposal and chapter were discussed by Jane and the wider editorial team and the next thing I knew I had an email saying they loved it and wanted to take me on as author. My dream was coming true!
How long did it take you to write the book?
I wrote the book pretty fast. Jane gave me feedback on the first couple of chapters and told me to keep going with the same warm and caring tone and the same kinds of content. It took me a few months to write a draft that felt finished enough to send to Jane for feedback. I had quite a number of days where all I did was sit and write because the pandemic had hit.
Whilst it took me just a few months to write the book, a great deal of the thinking and preparation for the writing had taken place in the years before. I see my blog as directly linked to my book for several reasons. Firstly, my blog contains a narrative of how I learnt to understand myself, and how I came to articulate that understanding, which is what the book offers too. My blog documents, in real time, my trajectory from nauseating shame and agonising silence to a place of appreciation for who I am and confidence to speak more openly.
Secondly, a key preoccupation of this blog is essentially how to find the words that feel like an accurate articulation of my experiences at any given time. It's been a sandbox for trying out what words feel kind of right and what words definitely feel wrong. Writing the blog has been exercise of sorts in language and certainly an exercise in becoming myself. I don't know who I would be without this blog. It's been so good to me. All of this experimentation with words was perfect groundwork for writing a book.
Thirdly, the tone of the book is similar to the blog, so I was practised in writing in this 'voice' which I believe made it quicker to write the book. I didn't have to get comfortable in a whole new style or register. That being said, I do think the blog takes more risks with language, is more playful overall because of its very nature. If I don't like something, I can delete it. A book is more polished by nature...this blog is not polished and I don't aspire for it to be either because that's not the point of it!
[I am going to publish this now and write the rest tomorrow. Time for me to go to bed!]
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