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sharing my life with borderline personality disorder

My name's Rosie and I'm a blogger, writer and the author of Talking About BPD: A Stigma-Free Guide to a Calmer, Happier Life with Borderline Personality Disorder.

 

I was first diagnosed with borderline personality disorder (BPD) in 2014 after many years of struggling with intense emotions and feeling very distressed, including experiencing suicidal ideation and self-harm. 

Being diagnosed with with BPD brought relief. Finally, I had a name for what I was going through and and a framework for understanding my all-consuming and quickly-changing emotions. At the same time though, I entered an uneasy world of stigma and discrimination. I was scared of talking about my diagnosis for fear of negative repercussions such as the loss of friends, jobs, opportunities or my general reputation. I was treated harshly by a number of mental health professionals and struggled to access relevant care. There was nobody I knew who told me they had experienced similar and no positive role models with BPD in the media who could show me everything was going to be okay. 

 

All of this compounded the shame, isolation and helplessness I felt. I felt ashamed of the fact I self-harmed, felt suicidal, had a debilitating fear of abandonment and couldn't stop crying all the time. I needed an outlet— somewhere I could try to find the words for what I was going through— and wanted to connect with others who felt similar. I turned to blogging (anonymously under the name BPD Orchid—for those of you who remember!). Writing a blog showed me that I wasn't alone, didn't have to be ashamed of my experiences and helped me learn new ways of coping with my painful feelings.

Most of all though, my blog was where I could practice putting my experiences into words. Experiences so confusing, so frightening and so little talked about by others, that it was difficult to know which words to use. Over time, writing online turned to speaking in real life— hence the the change in blog name to Talking About BPD. 

 

Another aspect of Talking About BPD has always been pushing back against the stereotypes and myths about people with BPD. When I was younger, these misrepresentations fuelled my self-hatred and made me feel like I couldn't be successful in what I wanted to achieve. If you have BPD, you will know the misogynistic tropes of the monster, manipulator, attention-seeker, criminal and more. It is a struggle to find sensitive, empathetic and accurate content and information about BPD. People with BPD deserve so much better; they deserve to be respected and seen for who they truly are. 

In 2017, I was shortlisted for a Mind Media Award for my work counteracting stigma. Two years later— to my delight— I won the 'Digital Champion' award and in 2021 I published my first book: Talking About BPD: A Stigma-Free Guide to a Calmer, Happier Life with BPD. 

 

Today, I'm not ashamed to say I have BPD. I am proud of who I am. It warms my heart to hear from my blog and book readers that my words resonate with you and my work helps you feel seen, validated, respected and comforted. 

A little more about me

I live in the UK with my husband, our wonderful little girl and our rebellious dog. I have degrees in English Literature (I'm a book worm), Medical Humanities (a passion of mine) and I'm a special education teacher (a job I love). I'm originally from Yorkshire, can't live without tea and am extremely clumsy!

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Photo of Rosie Cappuccino for BPD book.j

Me! Rosie Cappuccino, blogger and author

Cappuccino - Talking about BPD - FINAL -

BBC Stories Film

Mind Media Awards acceptance speech

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