As always, I'm wrestling with what's enough to say and what's 'too much'?
Too much for me? Too much for others? Why am I even worrying about others? (Because the rejection stings and it feels unbearable?) These two questions make a web- one I'm constantly tangled it.
I want to talk openly and yet I don't know if it's 'okay'. What does that even mean? Who needs to be okay...is it more myself than others?
What does this question say about me and how comfortable I am with myself as a person with a mental health condition?
It's confusing to feel like I want to show the world who I am, but at the same time feeling like that's somehow 'not acceptable'. Why should I not be an acceptable person? Or is it more that I am scared that I won't be accepted?
What does acceptable even mean? What does it mean to be 'too much'? Is that even a thing? I feel as though I've had a life time spent overwhelming others.
I apologise all the time for how I feel and for my life with this mental health condition. I apologise for 'taking up' time and space.
I am told I need to stop apologising for my experiences, but I don't know how to, it feels scary. I'm coming closer to being less apologetic- slowly- but closer all the same...