TW This post mentions self harm and suicide.
One of the hardest things is being judged. People say 'but you were laughing this morning, how can you be suicidal now?' #bpdchat— (@TalkingAboutBPD) 18 June 2017
If I had a quid for every time people in my life have said to me the following then I would be rich:
'But you were on top form when I saw you yesterday.
'You couldn't stop laughing yesterday.'
'But I thought you were enjoying your job.'
'I thought you were enjoying your degree.'
Having BPD is not to do with being 'a happy person' or an 'unhappy person'. It's not about how much you enjoy your job, how much you enjoy your life. It can be very much related to that. Or it can be pretty unrelated. Or anywhere in between.
All it does is invalidate me and collude with feelings of guilt that I can have about having BPD when someone says 'I thought you had a good job and friends'. BPD is often about chronic emotional dysregulation and all of the aspects that might come along with that, such as fear of abandonment, self-harm, suicidal ideation and so on. Plus, invalidation often makes my emotions even more dysregulated.
So please listen to me when I tell you I am enjoying my job, enjoying my life, love my friends and so on. Because I do.
BPD isn't about 'being unhappy'. It's about having a set of emotional experiences, as well as a whole dollop of social stigma to deal with a lot of the time too.
I am not diagnosis. My diagnosis is not the extent of my life. I am a person with so many facets!