Doing Therapy with a Therapist who works Creatively

Last spring, I started therapy again with a new therapist. It feels strange to finally write this because I've been silent about it on my blog until now. I've kept it to myself and just a few people I'm comfortable speaking with about it because, understandably, it all feels very personal. In fact, this post itself feels on the more personal side for me (eek), but I've decided I'm going to post it anyway.

For most of my early and mid twenties, I was engaged in some sort of long-term talking therapy whether that was cognitive behaviour therapy (my first instance of long term therapy), integrative therapy (when I was at university), psychodynamic therapy, Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) and, of course, Dialectical Behaviour Therapy. In fact, until I started with my current therapist in March this year, I'd been on the longest stint of not having any consistent, long-term therapy of my entire adult life.*

However, when my house move came onto the horizon at the start of this year I began to feel my anxiety become more intense and I knew I felt I would need more emotional support to manage the change effectively. More than just the moving house stuff though, I knew there was more to explore within myself, relating to my identity, my relationships and just my life as a whole. I spent a couple of months toying with the idea in my head of having to open up all over again to a new therapist before I decided I was ready to begin.

I also knew I had to get the right 'fit' with a therapist. Knowing the difference between a therapist who feels like a 'good fit' and one who feels like a 'perfect fit', I knew I had find the latter or my heart (or my purse strings) wouldn't be in it. And there's no point doing therapy if you're going to have one foot on the ground.

So, I spent ages and ages searching online for a therapist I thought would be 'right' for me. I didn't fully know which modality I wanted, but I knew I wanted something that would let me set the agenda with the conversation, as opposed to something structured and goal-oriented like DBT (as much as this therapy changed my life, I don't feel I need to revisit it).

Over several months, I read numerous therapists' online profiles about how they work, their modalities, their experience and so on. The more I looked, the clearer it became to me to concentrate my search on therapists using the creative arts (art therapists, drama therapists and narrative/poetry therapists, for example). I wanted the freedom to use creative approaches to understanding myself and my life, especially as I've not tried this in therapy before and I'm a naturally imaginative person.

One evening I came across my now therapists' website and on reading about her approach and her values, I felt confident that I had found someone who could be an ideal fit. Given what she had written on her profile, I felt I could potentially feel very safe talking with her about the kinds of things I wanted to bring to the conversation. And not only that but I felt excited about the possibility of being able to open up about things that I can't always easily discuss.

It's been about seven months now of weekly sessions, and I feel able to have conversations with her in a way that I don't think I've ever been able to speak with a therapist before. I've been able to explore the things that matter to me with frameworks that both make sense to me and affirm me. As I said to her when I started talking with her, I don't think I want to change much about my life— I just want to lessen the shame and the pain I feel in relation to who I am and what I value in life.

As a result of speaking with her, I feel less apologetic about the space I hold in the world. I feel less shame in the context of my relationships and less ashamed of my needs. I'm more able to handle mistakes (including 'mistakes'), set-backs or moments that feel like ruptures in my relationships. I'm also more able to cope when friends don't reply to my text messages (something I've always found very difficult). In short, I'm more able to be who I am, and accept myself for who I am, without feeling mortified or like I deserve a lifetime of humiliation for simply being me.

In case this is all feeling a bit abstract, here are some examples of the things I've been able to do in this therapy whilst still being vague enough to preserve my privacy:

✨use creative ways of expressing internal conflicts or painful situations

✨discuss and explore overwhelming feelings about different people in my life

✨ feel safe enough to talk about things that make me feel ashamed or embarrassed

✨explore the neurodiversity paradigm as a way of thinking about my intense emotions and how I feel in relationships

✨talk about things that matter deeply to me and why they matter so deeply to me

✨have reflexive conversations about the therapy and act of talking itself (a chance to learn about communication and relationships)

I'm hoping to continue talking with this therapist because I feel really safe with her and I'm curious where these conversations could take me. I've already been able to take what I've learnt into my life outside of therapy and find new ways of doing things and different ways to feel about myself.

Anyway...this post was a very conversational one with little thought for structure. All the same, I wanted to put this here and I hope you've enjoyed reading it. I might write more soon on this topic, please feel free to let me know if there's anything specific you want me to share.

Rosie x

*I had spoken with a couple of mental health professionals, but on a briefer, shorter-term basis.