Rooms of Expression: 'House' Reflective Exercise

I'm fascinated by how we see ourselves, how others see us and the spaces in between these two lines of sight.

What traits do you see in yourself?

What traits might others not see, or might only see if they know you very well?

And what might others see in you that you struggle to recognise, or acknowledge, in yourself?

Are there any aspects of yourself that you keep hidden?

A few months ago, someone introduced me to an exercise for exploring these different traits or aspects of ones' character and personality. Questions like the ones above, as well as others, were presented visually as a house with one question per room.

I took up the invitation to draw the house in my notebook and filled out the rooms with my thoughts on the questions. I then had a conversation about what I drew and it led to an interesting discussion about both things I struggle with and things I like about myself.

This morning I've been looking for the drawing so I could share a photo of it here (with certain words blanked out as some of it felt very personal), but I can't find it anywhere! Neither can I find a reference anywhere online for this exercise too, even though I found one at the time! Once I find it, I will edit this post and add in it.

Houses are a common metaphor or visual in therapy— and for good reason! A house might be a symbol of anything from safety, comfort, privacy or belonging to secrecy, isolation, hidden things and much more. A few well-known ones are the DBT House and the The House-Tree-Person assessment created by John Buck. Carl Jung wrote extensively on houses and proposed an architectural model of the psyche with different storeys of the house representing the different levels of consciousness that he theorised.

Yesterday, I had an idea for my own house exercise which explores speaking and expression. The questions this house poses are:

• What do you find easy / easier to express? (ground floor)

• What do you want to find ways to express or get more confident at expressing? (first floor)

• What would you express if you received no judgment or negative repercussion? (second floor)

• What feels too painful, too hard or even unimaginable to be able to express right now? (basement)

• What key memories do you have on the theme of speaking and expression? These might be positive, painful or anything in between. (attic)

• Who do you let into these conversations, or who would you like to let in? This can be an imagined person, if at present you don't have any one you feel able to, or want to, speak to (door)

• What would someone you choose to let in have to do to build your trust? (steps to the door)

• Who do you actively want to keep out of these conversations, if anyone? (fence)

• What can others do to support you and help you feel safe when you are speaking or expressing yourself? (walls)

• How can you tend to yourself, or have others nurture you, when expressing yourself doesn't go to plan? (garden)

• What societal and/or cultural factors (eg: prejudices, stigma, things in the media etc) impact your speaking and expression? (clouds)

Here's a quick sketch that might act as a prompt if you fancy trying this for yourself.

(I need to add the societal factors to this sketch).

This exercise is ideal to do with a supportive professional who makes you feel safe enough to delve into potentially emotive or painful topics. If you do want to give this a try on your own, please check that you feel safe and emotionally steady enough to explore the subject matter before diving in. Reflecting on these topics can, understandably, stir up painful feelings for lots of people.

There are times in my past when reflecting like this would have made me highly distressed: the lying on the floor having a panic attack and crying for an hour kind of distressed. Before beginning, make sure you have a plan for regulating your emotions if they start to feel overwhelming; pause if you notice yourself starting to become very upset or spiral into feelings of intense distress. You can take your time or come back to it later if you want to.

Let me know what you think of this exercise if you have any thoughts you would like to share. I wish this had made it into my new book as it resonates with what the book is articulating, but alas it has already gone to print! In fact, it's releasing on 19th February 2026 and is available for pre-order now.

Rosie x