top of page
Search

How BPD affects my life

  • Writer: Rosie
    Rosie
  • Oct 20, 2018
  • 2 min read

Updated: Jun 20, 2019


[TW This post mentions suicide and self-harm]


The main way that BPD affects my life is that I have intense emotions and I can quickly become overwhelmed by them. My emotions can come very suddenly-- seemingly out of nowhere-- and they can be extremely strong.


I can easily become very distressed and have what I call a BPD 'episode'. When this happens I usually feel suicidal and/or like self-harming and have lots of fears and scary thoughts. At these moments, I often feel like I am a terrible person and feel ashamed or disgusted by myself.


I sometimes have difficulty managing such strong emotions and in the past (and sometimes now, but less so) I have had problems with impulsive behaviours. Many times, I have ended up acting in out-of-control ways when I have been distressed because I didn't know how to cope with the emotional pain I felt.


Another way that BPD impacts me is that I tend to have a lot of anxiety in close relationships. I often fear that people are thinking the worst of me and sometimes I feel terrified that people want to leave me.


pastel-coloured illustration of a castle surrounded by clouds, stars and planets

I often feel nervous about my social interactions and am worried that I have upset or offended someone. I am sensitive to any changes in relationships or in others' behaviour and this often makes me anxious.


I regularly experience intense feelings of shame and embarrassment which is hard to deal with. I have a lot of suicidal thoughts when I am under stress or find things difficult.


Overall, I experience BPD as an intense emotional and interpersonal sensitivity. Whilst I experience suicidal thoughts, intense sadness and shame, I also feel emotions like joy and love just as intensely.


BPD is not all I am, but it is a part of who I am at the moment because it affects me every single day of my life. It is incredibly hard and painful at times, but I love my life and who I am.

 
 
 

Related Posts

See All
I'm Struggling This Week

Let me tell you what's going on. Absolutely one of this will be a surprise to anyone who knows me well or who reads this blog! I'm...

 
 
 

Comments


Copyright Rosie Cappuccino 2025

This website is not intended as medical or mental health advice. Please consult a qualified healthcare professional for medical or mental health advice.

bottom of page