I'm about a third of the way through the first draft of my new book. Seeing as my first book was way more of a success than I ever dreamed it would be!), my publisher, JKP, asked me if I would like to write another!
Initially, I thought I didn’t want to. I didn’t know if another book could mean as much to me as the first one. I didn't want to spoil anything by writing something my heart wasn't set on. However, as I thought about it I began to fall in love with the idea. The longer I wondered about it, the more the idea hooked me. Now I’m knee deep in the writing of it, I realise how much more I wanted to say about BPD that I didn’t express in my first book! I am absolutely loving writing it, just as much as I enjoyed writing the first one.
I thought I would share a Q&A here for those of you interested. Oh, and before I start, can I please just say how lovely it has been recently to read so many beautiful feedback emails. It makes me so pleased that my first book is still resonating for readers around the world.
How is the second book different from the first?
Well, this one is a workbook with guided questions for reflection and creative prompts to help readers work through different experiences, such as feelings of worthlessness, struggles with painful emotions, challeges around feelings of rejection and so on.
As always, my aim when I write is to make people with BPD (or who relate it, even without a formal diagnosis) feel seen, understood and validated. I know how upsetting it is to feel misunderstood all the time, have your emotions brushed off as ‘dramatic’ and your experiences seen as ‘childish’ or attempts to ‘manipulate’ others. I understand first hand the two levels of pain that come with BPD. The first level being the sheer agony of the intense emotions. The second level being the stigma and discrimination that we often (unfairly) encounter.
What can be found inside this book?
So, as I mentioned, the book contains guided questions for reflection and creative prompts deigned for people with BPD. There will be space to write in the book. However, there will also be lots to read explaining different aspects of BPD in an easy-to-understand and compassionate manner. All the way through, I share my experiences of BPD, including stigma, and how I’ve learnt to live a really fulfilling and happy life. Spoiler alert— we can have amazing lives, happy relationships, great careers and more!
Is the book like other books about BPD?
No! It's different! The cover won’t feature people crying, broken glass, blood splatters, people with two heads or cracked mirrors. There won’t be a misogynistic ‘crazy ex-girlfriend’ or criminal stereotype in sight! I won’t be talking about eggshells or drama queens! Instead, people with BPD will be represented for who they truly are: people who struggle to regulate their emotions, feelings about themselves and others and who have often experienced really painful things throughout their life. There is a serious shortage of compassionate and supportive books that make people with BPD feel better about themselves and their life.
I received really glowing reviews for my first book, with readers often praising the book for how it made them feel positively about themselves and helped them have more self-compassion. This will of course be the same for the second book.
Is the book aimed at women?
No! It’s for all genders. Whilst BPD is commonly associated in the public imagination with women (for a number of reasons, some of them rooted in misogyny), anyone can have BPD. The book is written for everyone. I am supportive of all genders and all people who are LGBTQ+ and you can expect this to be reflected in my book. To the reviewers who didn't like my acknowledgement of LGBTQ+ people and their lives in my first book, you can expect more of the same in the second book!! You have been warned!!
I don’t agree with the diagnosis of BPD as I think it’s a harmful diagnosis, how does the book grapple with that?
This is something I am really aware of at the moment. Throughout the book, I will be addressing the different issues relating to the diagnosis. I am aware BPD is a very contested and contentious diagnosis, for lots of valid reasons including the fact that more women are diagnosed than men and given to people with a history of serious trauma. I know BPD is weaponised by some people and treated as an excuse to blame and re-traumatise people who derseve so much better. I try to grapples with these questions and acknowledge this.
In this book (and all my other work), I don’t dictate to people what they ‘should’ believe about the diagnosis and I don’t advocate that people should accept this label. It is a personal choice for lots of nuanced reasons. For me personally, I do accept the diagnosis and I share those reasons why in the book. I respect people who don’t accept the label (in fact, I have friends who don’t), and in return I ask that people also respect my choice. The tools and thoughts I share in the book are for people with struggles relating to emotion regulation, sensitivity to rejection, intense self-criticism, self-harm and so on- regardless whether they embrace a label of BPD or not.
When will it be released?
I don’t have a date yet, but I know my publishers will be working as quickly as they can to bring it to you. Be sure to check back here for updates. I would love to thank everyone in advance for their support. The response to my first book blew me away, so I am excited to see how people feel about the second one!
If you are interested, you can buy my first book from Amazon or bookshops such as Waterstones. It's available worldwide and in three formats: paperback, e-book and audiobook (read by me!). I would be so grateful for a review if you enjoyed it.
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