I don't talk about it much, but I am often in physical pain. This is due to tension and it feels tight and painful across my upper back, shoulders, neck and face. My jaw is constantly hurting.
In the last few months, this pain has been particularly bad. It feels as if someone is pulling at the muscles in these areas, particularly in my face. I feel like I want to let go of this tightness, but I just don't know how to.
In the last few months, I have felt tense almost all of the time. It's as if my body doesn't know how to relax. It feels as though my muscles are being stretched and that I am holding them in a position that they don't want to be in.
I wonder if it is because I almost constantly feel under threat. My BPD means that I am always on alert: Did I say something wrong? Are they upset with me? Why is she looking at me like that? Am I saying enough? Did I say too much?
I have suffered with pain as a result of tension and stress since I was a child. Luckily, there are times when I am not in pain at all and other times when I am in a small amount of pain. However, there are periods in my life where the tension is so strong it impacts my quality of life.
I do yoga. I put tennis balls between my back and the floor and the wall. I use heat packs and hot water bottles. I take hot showers. I have a foam roller. I do a lot and some of it helps, but mostly for a short time only.
I think I could do more with breathing exercises in order to trick my mind into a more relaxed state. But I find relaxing hard. Very hard.
I don't have fibromyalgia, but I have heard of quite a few people with fibromyalgia alongside their BPD; I know that chronic and widespread pain is often a large part of fibromyalgia.
Do you struggle with muscle pain? Do you have any ways of coping?