Two weeks ago, I started a new job. Since then, I have been struggling every evening with anxiety, panic and sadness that feels overwhelming.I find change really unsettling emotionally and it takes me a long time to get used to new people, places, routines and roles.
Nearly every night I have been having meltdowns and/or panic attacks as a result of how unsettled I feel. During these moments, I feel like both my mind and my world is falling apart and it is terrifying. I feel as though I can't breathe, cope or survive.
I have had thousands upon thousands of moments like these in the last decade and I have survived every single one. In recent years, these moments tend to only happen when I am under stress.
For me, change is a source of stress even when the change is a positive one for me.
I am really enjoying my new job and I think it's a very good fit for me. However, I am taking time to settle. I moved house quite recently too and my therapy is ending, so I think all of these changes are adding up to make me feel very anxious.
Video: Why Change Can Be So Hard When You Have BPD
My DBT skills have been helping me to stop the panic attacks / meltdowns from becoming more severe. In the past, I would have been so scared of my thoughts and feelings that I would have ended up in A&E begging for help. Luckily, these days I am better equipped to cope.
I know how to do the DBT stop skill, even if I can't always do it as soon as the panic sets in.
Slowly things are feeling a little easier for me, but I think it will still take time....
Here's my video about the DBT stop skill if you're interested >