Supporting someone with BPD through a strengths based approach: My Talk For nEA BPD

Earlier this year, I was lucky enough to be invited to present a webinar to National Education Alliance for Borderline Personality Disorder (NEABPD) Family Connections^™. I was asked if I wanted to speak after my podcast episode with 'All In The Mind' aired on the Australian Broadcasting Company.

NEABPD are a brilliant organisation based in Australia. They provide education for people experiencing the emotional dysregulation and struggles associated with the BPD diagnosis, as well as their loved ones and/or people who want to deepen their understanding of how to be supportive.

In fact, they run a program specifically for loved ones— Family Connections^™ . This is a a free, evidence-based program' which is 'grounded in research funded by the National Institute of Mental Health'. It blends education, practical skills, and peer support to help participants better understand what their loved one is experiencing—and to respond with greater confidence, clarity, and compassion.'

The Family Connections^™ team run related webinars by professionals and people with lived experience. They invited me to present on whatever topic I wanted and I chose to share some of my more recent thinking, entitling the talk: 'Supporting someone with BPD through a strengths based approach'.

Honestly, I learnt a lot through preparing and delivering my talk. It felt like a natural next step from the thinking I undertook in my book The Talking About BPD Workbook. Namely, appreciating that having a BPD diagnosis is not the same as being flawed and broken, it's often a sign of feeling and relating differently. As I keep on saying:

Feeling emotions intensely and caring deeply about relationships is a valid and meaningful way of existing and being. Yet it's not always seen that way— and I want that to change. 

As I presented my thoughts, some of them still 'thoughts in progress' to an online audience, I felt tears rising up in my throat. I felt something like strength and self-respect shoulder to shoulder with my old friends shame and embarrassment.

Here are some of the words from ' 'Supporting someone with BPD through a strengths based approach':

I share my experiences; I’m not representative of all people with this diagnosis. I don’t offer ‘how tos’. I try to share my thinking in case it opens up new ways of thinking for others. I write and talk to share my thinking: it’s a constantly evolving ‘work in progress’. I want to share my slides here, for anyone who thinks they might be helpful.

‘Feeling emotions intensely and caring deeply about relationships is a valid, and meaningful, way of existing and being.’

I'm a person who feels emotions intensely and cares deeply about the relationships in my life. I am also person who has lived through times of immense emotional distress. My life is unapologetically informed— and, without doubt, enriched— by my lived-experiences. That’s not to say that this is not deeply painful at times.

Acknowledge, respect and honour the way I value and desire meaningful, close connections. Allow me to express how I feel (love, excitement, curiosity). Communicate boundaries clearly with gentleness. Don’t make shame me for these things. Reciprocate in the way and the amount that’s comfortable. Be as honest and clear as you can.

What if there’s a different, more generous or even more accurate way to see this person and everything they have been (and continue to go) through?

Language has a real world impact. 

People with a BPD diagnosis often know what they need. They may just need to feel safe enough to say it.

Thank you to NEABPD Family Connections^™ for this opportunity. I hope it was helpful to some of you.

Rosie x