It's time to say goodbye to 2022 and hello to 2023. It has been a huge year for me personally with my wedding, pregnancy and the birth of my daughter. I'm still recovering physically from the birth (and will be for some time I think). Overall my BPD has been really calm this year and that's thanks to the DBT skills I tirelessly apply, as well as the relationship with my amazingly caring and level-headed husband.
Challenges and Strengths
I have experienced some panic attacks and moments of intense difficulty this year, but they have been fleeting. Throughout 2022, I was able to be a little more self-compassionate to myself when things didn't go to plan with managing my BPD. I didn't beat myself up for having a panic attack or losing my cool. I continued to share my thoughts with people I trust at home and work, even when I felt ashamed or embarrassed. I found it hard to rest and ask for help at times, so this is something I need to do more in the year ahead.
For the most part, I had a very healthy pregnancy physically and mentally. I could walk for miles and run around at work whilst nine months pregnant which felt wonderful. I felt full of health, so ready and utterly excited for the birth of my baby, both mentally and physically. Unfortunately, my pregnancy did culminate in a difficult birth from which I am still recovering, but I am proud of myself my tenacity and determination during the birth and the early weeks of recovery. I certainly have faced all challenges head on, with courage and persistance. I can't fault myself for how boldly I handled the physical and mental challenges, but still I am looking to others for external approval too often. I want to get stronger at making my own opinion of myself the one that counts the most.
thank you for supporting me
I have been so delighted with how my book has been doing and it has been absolutely amazing to read glowing feedback from readers. Thank you so much to everyone who has purchased, read or shared my book. I am so happy I could bring it into the world and share it with you. It makes me smile whenever I see another review on Amazon or someone posting on Instagram stories about how they're enjoying the book. Thank you!
Connections
For me, life is all about relationships and this year I have continued to pour my energy into those that mean the most to me. I try to give what I can to others, show gratitude and do small kindnesses where I can. Like many people with BPD, I wear my heart on my sleeve when I'm around those I trust. This kind of emotional openness builds closeness with people which enriches my life and (hopefully) those of others. I'm grateful to those in my life who reciprocate by sharing something of their life and their emotions with me. It strengthens me and makes me feel less alone.
Even though a couple of years have passed since my closest and most precious friendship came to an agonising and sudden end after more than a decade, I am still coming to terms with what happened. I no longer cry over it or think about it everyday as I did in the first year after it happened, but it still hurts. I think it will always hurt. To lose such a close friend is to lose a piece of yourself really. I lost a lot the day that friendship ended. Dagger to the heart is the best way to describe it. I still think about this friend a lot and I wrote a bit about coping with being ghosted for Happiful Magazine.
In spite of this loss, having a baby made me realise just how many strong and significant friendships I have in my life. People have been really generous both materially and emotionally. Being a parent for the first time demands a lot and it has been heart-warming to have so many people thinking of me and showing they care.
My hope for 2023 is to keep nurturing those relationships and keep showing small kindnesses to others wherever and whenever I can. If someone is having a bad day, a tiny act can mean so much as I know only too well myself.
Once again, thank you everyone for supporting me- that's nearly nine years of Talking About BPD now. If you haven't already seen my affirmations designed with people with BPD in mind, feel free to take a look.
Furthermore, I wish that every person with BPD gets the respect, care and understanding they deserve and need. There's no place for stigma and discrimination towards people who are emotionally sensitive and who have likely been through trauma.
I wish everyone all very best for 2023. If 2022 has been hard for you (as it has been for so many), then I hope this year will be better.
- Rosie x