My article '5 Tips for People Who Are Easily Embarrassed' is in the latest issue of Happiful Magazine. Ironically, my complimentary copy of the magazine landed on my doorstep when I was knee-deep in an episode of hot, uncomfortable embarrassment myself. I had sent some WhatsaApp messages and felt like I had (once again) shared too much too frequently with someone who maybe wasn't interested in what I had to say. I felt outspoken, even selfish and got stuck in telling myself my old narrative that goes like this: 'Rosie, why can't you control your enthusiasm? Why can't just just keep it to yourself? Why do you always have to overwhelm people? Why do you think anyone would want to talk with you? Nobody cares about your interests and what you have to say.' I was in a shame spiral and being in it made me feel sick.
Happiful Magazine - Issue 84
I laughed when I realised why the magazine had been delivered to me because I had forgotten I had written the article. For a moment, I felt silly that I was the one offering advice in a magazine when really I needed (and still need) this advice for myself. But I have never claimed to have all my emotions in check all of the time, especially shame and its sibling emotion embarrassment. I am a mental health blogger and author in the present tense; I still struggle sometimes. Whilst I know a huge amount about myself and my emotions, it doesn't mean I cope well all of the time; I remain vulnerable to panic attacks, intense sadness or anger that momentarily takes over me. For me mental health problems are not something I 'recovered' from and I have drawn a neat line underneath, even though life is so much easier for me now than it ever used to be. I am always learning and my mental health is something that ebbs and flows. I don't shy away from being honest about that.
Reading my own article was strangely helpful. Its why I chose to share my thoughts over WhatsApp and how the vulnerability that i implicit in self-expression can sometimes forge connections between people. If you're interested in my article about embarrassment you can read it on page 50-51 here.